Why Do I Care?

This morning DH asked me for help with his phone. Apparently he dropped it last night walking home from the local bar.

The back had popped off and DH couldn’t get it on. I couldn’t get it on either and then I realized he had bent a small piece trying to get it on last night. I un-bent the piece and it still wouldn’t go on.

I got kind of angry. This phone was just purchased in early-to-mid September.

Then I stopped myself.

Why am I mad? Why do I care?

Am I mad because we might have to buy a new phone/pay to get it fixed?

Or am I mad because I know he had been drinking and was also high? And am I blaming the intoxication for the phone?

I don’t know. It is the first time I have stopped myself and asked why do I care? The money part I get because we are in the midst of a move and have closing costs. I had to buy two new tires because the mechanic said they wouldn’t pass inspection and it is dangerous to be driving on wet roads. That is an expense it would be nice not to have at the moment.

However, accidents happen. I just had a car accident and that wasn’t cheap ($500 deductible versus what could be $100 new phone – maybe more if we have to wait for a rebate).

Being honest I have a problem with the way he views his alcohol and dope intake – even though he limits it to the occasional Thursday night and weekends. So is it a chain? Would I care if he had done it when I know he was sober?

Whatever anger I felt is gone. It was actually quite fleeting, although I felt it in my chest while it was here. I almost immediately began questioning why I care/why I am angry.

I think this is pretty huge. It is a step forward for me. I tend to ride anger and anxiety like a horse. I don’t try to stop it. It is a very well worn path in my brain and I fall onto it easily.

I am sure this new perspective is a reflection of the work I am doing in the mindfulness class.