Between the Reiki and dropping off the paperwork with the lawyer, things have been going pretty well. Knock on wood, my energy has improved dramatically.
Earlier this week I went for a hike with one of my high school friends. Senior year I hung out with 3 guys and kind of ignored the rest of the world. One is in WA, one is in CA, and one lives 15 minutes from me. K and I got together to hang out 3 years ago after friending each other on Facebook and realizing how close by we were. We haven't seen each other since. He called a couple of times to see if John and I wanted to hang out with him and his wife, but John was really resistant to dropping things and hanging out with him. What is funny about that is that I am the one who hates when there are dramatic changes in plans or unexpected changes. I often balk at them.
Now I wonder if that was tied to my relationship with John more than with me personally.
K just found out his wife is pregnant, which is kind of scary for him and exciting. We have texted a couple of times since hiking.
There is a lot to think about in terms of the way things have been for the past 12 years.
I have switched my e-mail and my facebook back to my maiden name, dropped the hyphen. What's really funny is many people have said they always thought of me as Julie G--- anyway. To me it feels like chopping all my hair off and being naked. On the one hand, as far as hyphenated names go, it was a good name. It had a really nice ring to it. On the other hand, it was a constant battle to explain to people that I wasn't Mrs. P---, that my last name was G---P---. I mean the federal government recognized it as such, why was it so difficult for individuals to? I often said to John if I had to do it over again I would have just kept my name and joked that the court fee to change it back would be a nice birthday gift.
In thinking about the future and dating and sex I have stressed a little bit about birth control. Hormones are out and I have a latex allergy. I have thought about having a tubal ligation before I am screwed in terms of insurance. I hesitate to do that though and my hesitation intrigues me. I never-ever wanted to have kids with John. Granted, I have never wanted to have kids period, but my hesitation to have a tubal ligation makes me wonder if I would consider it with a different man. If my intuition knew all along that John wasn't the one.
There have been a couple of other things like that, that makes me question whether my intuition knew something I didn't. I need to face the fact that my intuition is usually accurate and I have an awful habit of ignoring it even when it is screaming at me.